I've seemed to have forgotten what it was like to be myself. I've given in to my other side. I've become more brutal *starts smashing the ants that are crawling around my table now*...and have established a heck-care attitude in whatever I do other than the ones that are important to me. What do I mean? I've stopped considering so much about other people's feelings because...it's theirs to deal with.

For example...

I was told to tell a person that his job sucks and he needs to brush up or else he's out of the team.
Perhaps previously, i'll scold the person back and say that he shouldn't have said that and should be more considerate..perhaps he's really busy and stuff..

But now, i just feel that perhaps that person should have been more committed and I won't hesitate to just tell the truth to his face. He is, afterall, part of the team. and if we DO get good results, he's no part in this.

Nah. no such incident. I just made it up. But it's just an example. Also, I've formed my own opinions on things. Whatever I think is absurd, i'll just say it out. Regardless. If your teaching is wrong, I'll say it out. No longer will I keep it in to ponder. This is not about respect. This is about opinions.

But... I need to find a way to control this inner demon...lest it gets wild. I haven't lost the fight. Not yet. I'm going back one day. Clean. And still the same person I was the day I left.


11:55 PM